In 2012 my life took a rather radical, uncomfortable and, at the time, very unpleasant turn. I had been living abroad for 5-6 years and was at that time in New Zealand, leading the same old party and travel lifestyle I had over the last 5 years. I was chasing an illusory and distorted version of Freedom and had somehow managed to convince myself I was "escaping the system". Truth is I was as deeply engrained in the "system" - or the "matrix" - as was the large majority of humans were or still are, and had learnt to shut my heart close so as to no longer feel the suffering humanity was experiencing collectively.
Indeed, I was stuck in the same negative egregores, or thought-forms, as most of us are, which are the aggregation of thinking patterns that are often superimposed upon a group of beings - or the whole of Humanity at once - through various Mind Control techniques. For instance, we tend to believe nowadays that war is just part of who we are because humanity has been at war for as long as we can remember collectively. This process is largely enforced through creating conflicts in the first place obviously (false flag events for instance), but also through different propaganda methods sustaining this idea that humans are a warring species, such as the way we are taught History in school for instance, and how it is always solely focused on the numerous wars we fought, as if this was the only way to describe the human experience. The Media and Entertainment spheres are today the greatest tools for enforcing such ideas, but anything under the "politically correct" label also works in the same way creating egregores of what is acceptable and what is not, leading us humans to all subconsciously engage in the same thinking patterns, gradually becoming more and more boxed in.
After a whole year in the country, my visa for New Zealand came to expire and I attempted to leave for a week or so and come back on a new visa. Following various misunderstanding with customs upon return, I was unexpectedly denied entry and flown back to France - all of which without notice and being held as an illegal immigrant in a jail cell for 2 nights until a flight was available. This rather unusual situation showed me what "loosing control" really was, I did not even own my passport anymore for those 3 days, I had lost most attachments for this short period of time and all of my belongings were left behind in New Zealand (I had with me a carry-on weekender worth of clothes and that was it).
I am not telling this story for you to feel sorry for me, this episode brought back to the surface a lot of anxiety I had been pushing down and numbing through parties, travels and a somewhat carefree lifestyle, and the years that followed threw me deep down into realising a serious inner work needed to be achieved.
It did not happen immediately, but I started feeling more and more overwhelmed with "the state of the world" - which always mattered so deeply for me, since childhood - and began to victimise myself in face of an "oppressive system" and gradually lost any hope for the human race. I descended a downward spiral of negative thinking and even lost my anger against the world for a constant feeling of helplessness - which in many ways is worst than any anger and vibrationally much lower in frequency since anger still might lead us to some form of action while helplessness tends to freeze and paralyse us. I had managed to convince myself that humans did not care and the planet was doomed - something I had always disagreed with previously, I always knew Humans were of "good" nature unless they were taught otherwise - and could not see how I alone could make any form of difference.
This state of powerlessness lasted a couple of years in and out until I decided (with the help of a near death experience) to take charge and responsibility for my own life and behaviours. I had finally begun understood that the only thing we can change, or have any form of control over, is ourself. It is the way we think, the way we choose to approach life and all events, the way we decide or not to strive everyday to become a little better of a person than we were yesterday and the way we choose to either respond or react to external events and/or factors.
I first had to let go of this idea that the world needed to be saved. The only thing the world needs is for us humans to strive to better ourselves individually first, and only then collectively. Each one of us is a single and unique cell of this giant body we make up with the Earth, we all serve a function and have a purpose, and what this planet and humanity need the most is for every single one of us to, before even taking up their position, figure out what is this position.
What is my purpose? Who am I? What is my role down here? Are all questions we should be focusing on first when embarking on a self-awareness and spiritual growth journey.
Understanding that we do not have to save the world single-handedly, but rather find what our specific role is, no matter how "small" it appears. We are not all here to be Yeshuas or Buddhas in this lifetime, this world needs all walks of life, it needs builders, cleaners, gardeners, healers, teachers, gatherers, dancers, artists, etc. but it needs them to do what they respectively do purposefully, with meaning and passion. We must choose what we do because it makes us vibrate, it makes our Heart and Soul sing, and because we know it is what we came here to do and that by doing so we participate to the collective growth, to the Emancipation of Humanity.
I then begun to take it one tiny step at a time, at my own pace, trying not to compare myself with others - no matter how positively influential they might be, because it is our own unique vibration that will make the difference - and started implementing gradual changes in my daily habits, consumption habits, thinking patterns, beliefs, the way I positioned myself in face of others and of the World, in the way I viewed and talked to myself, and so on... Then the spiral inverted and became virtuous, slowly the movement changed direction and I began to regain hope and trust in my ability, if not to change the world, to do my part, and that is what truly matters.
This type of inner and outer work can feel overwhelming when we look at it from afar, but it is important to understand we have a lifetime to learn and evolve, and we will never stop doing so; the goal is not to reach perfection but to always strive to get better, to expand, to evolve, to become a higher, more advanced, more mature physical expression of our Higher Consciousness.
Helplessness is rock bottom and as famously known: once we hit rock-bottom we can only bounce back up.
This entire society, or matrix we live in was built to make us feel small and powerless so as to make us a docile and obedient workforce. We must work at withdrawing ourselves from this matrix and begin to lead our Lives according to our own True Values and not those of a sick and perverted society, glorifying evil and debauchery.
It is high time for Humans to remember how truly Powerful they are. It is high time for us all to remember why we came here, what our purpose is, what Humanity is about... To remember how to Live this life in Harmony with others and the Environment, how to seek to Learn and Grow constantly, and most importantly how to Love truly and unconditionally, both others and ourselves.
What makes your Heart sing and your Soul expand?
What makes you feel at Peace and in Love with Life?
I send you all my Support in this incredible quest for Meaning,
With Love,
Melissa 🐋
Suggested listenning:
In this video excerpt Russell Brand talks of his 12 steps to recover our own True Identity and Self, un-programming ourselves from society, others and our own irrelevant beliefs systems and thinking patterns.